Shifting

I look at photographers’ streams of social media output and I am glad I am not in that groove any more. The same goes for travel writing.

If you are ‘in the biz’ you probably know the game, or maybe you are in it too deep to realize it is going on as it seems like business as usual. What I am talking about is the business of ‘stuff’. Not of taking photos or writing but of all the pimping that has to go on for freelancers, like writers and photographers, to make a living.

They talk about how great this product or that product is. I see people mention a product in unnatural ways because they want to plug it for their sponsors (read: income or cool gufts)and then when I hover over the hyperlink, I see an affiliate link. I have been doing this for years as I needed to. I took free products so I can test them and write about them. I took press trips so I could write about them. It’s not evil, it’s just life.

But right now I am sitting on the other side of the fence in an odd way.
My wife’s income is enough that I don’t have to push hard on the photography and travel writing world to squeeze out rent and food money for my family. That, I must say, is nice.

It makes me notice when people are talking about products like they wouldn’t naturally in conversation in person. I now mention products only when I think it would help readers figure out how to reproduce what I did (or if I know they are going to be asking how I got from A to B without some special help, such as in black and white photo editing). But I see it all the time. “I am happy to host a talk about XYZ Company today to talk about their awesome new widget.” That type of stuff.

I am writing this post because I want to write and it feels good to be back to that. I have written a lot because I had to and when that task is in front of me, I do it the best I know how. I am happy to (at least in this moment of time) be free of ‘having to’ write. It’s nice and I wish it for all of you who love writing. Not worrying about SEO or keywords or posting times or market research or style guides. It’s a little slice of heaven.

In a weird paradox, which many of you will think of as whining, it has brought about a lack of direction in my ‘professional’ career. I still tell people I am a photographer, but I’m not a pro any more by most definitions. And I’m okay with that. But if I don’t have to produce for profit, what do I do?

I want to make the world a better place and help ease others’ suffering. I know that’s broad, but it is what my heart wants. I do want to make pretty pictures and help people learn as well. So four things.

Coming up with the plan for all that is harder than it sounds. For one thing, I don’t feel compelled or driven by photography at this moment. This moment has lasted since I got back from Nepal. Nepal was frickin’ awesome (except some rain) with a fun group and a template for what I want from all tours (again, minus the one day delay to get to the trek, but even then we wandered and found a police band playing YMCA in front of some hundred year old temples).

But since then I have had other focuses.

First was my wedding to my True Love. She’s beyond awesome and wonderful and just wow. Wow, wow, wow. Okay, I’ll stop.

Then came the tragic, sudden death of my wife’s brother. That was unexpected and has inflicted pain and searching on the entire family. I was thrust into a pure support role for weeks (and still am, but not to the same degree) for my wife and her parents. I am thankful I was able to be very present during those initial days to wrap others in love and hold them when they (and I) cried. No distractions, just doing what needed to be done to help get us through the worst days and then some.

Those shockwaves are still very much a daily part of our lives but as the ripples from a rock tossed in a mirror-like mountain lake dissipate with distance, so too those shockwaves are spreading and weakening. Waiting for time to heal is such a hard task and a hard lesson to learn while in grief.

Facing that death puts things in perspective, like only close death can. All the why questions come up. You know them, you have asked them before for your personal tragedies or for local or national or world events of suffering.

With those why’s comes a chance to refocus. Is what I am doing useful? Am I helping? What is my legacy? How can I make a positive impact on others, on this world?<\br>
All that has been bouncing around in my head. Coupled with the fact that I don’t need to drive income from shooting pictures (and often giving up family time in order to make that money), has me where I am.

Searching a little.

It’s a good problem to have. That’s one of my favorite sayings because it acknowledges that from the inside, this seems like a problem. But from the outside, it seems like a opportunity. To grow. To flourish. To advance.

For all the problems I can have, this is a very good one. I am happy with my home life. I am happy with my health (with the plan to drop a few pounds, but no serious problems bugging me). Life is pretty good, with a side of sharp pain right now from the death. But the edge of that will dull in time, while the happy memories never will.<\br>
What does that mean for this blog?

This blog started out a long time ago and was intended, like a lot of travel related blogs, to keep family up to date. It morphed and became something bigger. It had 2100 subscribers (before Google Reader went away) and that always amazed me. It still does, as there are some 1500 people subscribed to either the main feed or just the Photo Of The Day feed. I know maybe 20 of those people. Okay, maybe 30. It boggles my mind, all if you who read and who I don’t know.<\br>
This blog will remain, that much I know (and I just paid for another year of hosting and domain registration).

It will be an outlet for creative things I want to try. You may find you don’t like the photos more often, to be honest. I will be posting more of what I like while still posting what I think will please people. In the past I have kept to what I thought would be commercially viable or at least get people to like the page or site or image.<\br>
Of that, I am done. My ego is not as needy as it once was for the mass affirmation of strangers.<\br>You may have noticed there are no sharing buttons on this site any more. I got rid of a lot of plugins for WordPress to streamline the site. I also don’t have any advertising any more. Just photos or links to other photos. And some writing about photography and life.

Not all the upcoming pictures will be pretty but I also have no desire to go hunting the grisly side of life, so it will still be family friendly here. I am still an optimistic person and I enjoy sharing the beauty of the world. I also enjoy challenging others and helping them learn, so you’ll see more of that; things to pop you out of your normal routine. Not shock you, but make you think, maybe.

I will write stories as they boil up. I have no set plan and maybe I’ll never write another travel tale, but I doubt it. I love storytelling but I also want to improve and sometimes I am my own worst enemy when it comes to making something ‘perfect’ before I hit publish. By the way, this post is not that. 🙂 It’s just me, late at night, with a desire to type and communicate.

I know I want to write about death soon as it is on my mind. It has been since Nepal when we visited Pashupatinath and the open air cremations. Even before the death of my brother-in-law one of my favorite photos from the trip to the Himalayas not of mountains. It was from Kathmandu and it was a man sitting over the ceremonially draped body. His head is bowed and he is in pain. I don’t normally take photos like this, it feels invasive. In this case, I was across a small river from this man and watched. After a while I started to cry because we have all experienced loss, we can all connect with what he felt. I don’t know his relation to the corpse, but it doesn’t matter. I snapped a few photos after drying my eyes.

That’s what I mean, there is more to life than happy sunsets and mountains. I love those, but want to explore other ideas. I also really like some photos I know others won’t and this space will be a showcase for odd angles or subjects or breaking rules that I have worked hard to teach. Not crazy stuff, just different.

As with all late night ramblings, it is time for some sleep.

Thanks for reading and joining along on this journey. I hope this small bit of the Internet will help inspire you to help others in your own way. Or to go see the beauty of the world for yourself. Or to question the normal way of doing things. And I hope it helps you, somehow, to learn more about yourself.

Thank you
pwc

One Reply to “Shifting”

  1. Lanora

    Thanks for the update, Peter. I’ve been wondering why you’d gone missing. Social media will go on while you’re doing what you want to do and only writing when you have something to say! Sounds like an excellent plan.

    Reply

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