Rejection Is Cheaper Than Regret

Grab a piece of paper and something to write with. Dont’ be fussy, just grab what’s at hand. Use your hand if that’s what at hand. Don’t worry, this is an easy, quick exercise. Now list out at least five things you are holding back from doing because you fear rejection. Here, let me help get you started:

• Asking a friend to make an introduction to a potential employer
• Asking someone out on a date that I’ve had my eye on for a while
• Calling a credit card company and asking them to lower my interest rate
• Calling my parents just to tell them I love them and not ask something of them
• Emailing someone I look up to for advice on a project

Have your list? It can be more than five, that’s perfectly fine. These are the things you’re hesitant to do because of fear of rejection, right?

Now circle the items you would truly regret not doing if suddenly the opportunity to do it ceased to exist.

I have had this idea in the back of my mind for a while, as a means to prioritize what’s important in life. The first time it came up was when I had the idea to interview my grandfather about what it was like growing up in Seattle in the 1910s and 20s. I failed to do that and it’s one of the few things I regret. Today I’m adding another item to that list.

I was very saddened by the news today that local climber Joe Puryear died while climbing in Tibet. I never actually knew Joe, personally, but had heard his name dozens of times, especially as I prepared to climb Kyajo Ri in Nepal earlier this year. I poured over his website, the de facto knowledge base for beta and pictures, in the months before the climb, studying the photos and route. Reading his words over and over. He was a local climber, living just two hours away when he was in town.

I’m now planning another trip to Nepal that just came up a month ago. Part of the idea is to ice climb in a couple of valleys where I know he had traveled and climbed. I’ve been holding off on contacting him to ask for beta (route information)because, well, because of stupid reasons. Because he’s a Big Name in my mind. Not untouchable, but maybe he doesn’t want to be bugged by everyone going to the Himalayas? Maybe he’s too busy? Maybe maybe maybe.

My fear of rejection turned to regret today when the world lost a great climber and adventurer. I wish I had sent that email or made that call. I wish I had gotten to know such an adventurous spirit better. I wish I wish I wish. I wish Joe was still around and I know many others who do too, especially his wife and family.

Every loss is a chance to stop and reflect on what’s important in our own lives.

What on your list of Rejections do you not want to turn to Regret? Take just one step towards making it happen. Just one step. If you can’t find the strength to get over your fear and take the step, ask a friend for help on making progress. Or give me a call and I’ll come over and kick you in the ass until you find your own motivation.

You CAN lessen the amount of regrets in your life if you take steps to get over your fear and make things happen. Regrets don’t happen to you. Regrets happen because you didn’t do something.  Joe, I’m sorry I didn’t take the chance to get to know you better.  Thank you for all you did for me and my trip and motivation to explore more of Nepal, without ever knowing I existed.

So what’s it going to be? Live with the fear or live with the regret?