No really, I forgot what this blog post was going to say. I started my blog writer and then walked away from the computer. Only to return to a blank slate and a blank mind.
Maybe I was going to write some grand Year In Review post as is the rage at this time of year. But I think I’ll save that for January 2nd when the year to that point (otherwise known as January 1st) will be MUCH easier. It has been an amazing year and my head spins to think of how utterly distant 2008 is to me.
I’ve learned to let go of a lot I have no control over. I’ve learned to not judge things, events, people so quickly to being good or bad. It seems those tales I read my daughter over and over finally got into my head. A big pile of cement was placed on top last night with the reading of Fatima The Spinner And The Tent, a story once again pointing out you can never really know where you’re going, but it’s best to do your best each step of the way. For one day, you will need all you have learned if you’ve taken the time to learn it. Or something like that. In essence, not seeing your lot in life as intrinsically good or bad because you never know what’s around the next bend. Be happy, enjoy what you have. That kinda stuff.
A year ago, I had a really hard time with that. I wanted something that will never be and my anger at not being where I wanted in life was clouding all of my life. One of those self fulfilling things. If all you see is gloom, chances are you’ll get more gloom. If what you really want is to see the sun, chances are the gloom doesn’t look so bad. And nothing ever stays the same anyway. Focus on what you desire and whether you buy into all the hippy-dippy intentions, manifesting, chanting to the moon stuff or not, it’s a decent way to live. Some call it setting goals and in my personal life I’ve seen it work fairly well to keep those goals in front of me as a reminder of where I want to go, whether I make it there or not.
The trick is to also be open to all the other stuff going on in your life while focusing on those goals. Focus need not mean tunnel vision. It’s key in life to ask for help when needed and be willing to accept it, even if you didn’t ask. I know a lot more people today than I did a year ago because of asking for help, learning from others and being open. I am very thankful for those from my past who are still with me, the long time friends, some of them since before elementarily school. And I am very thankful for those new friends who have popped into my life this last year and made it an amazing ride.
Unlike some reaching midlife (no, I’m not even close yet, I plan to live healthily to 100) and dealing with a major life changing event, I ran for a bit. But not far. I have a daughter which helps temper my past inklings to get jacked up on adrenaline. And I didn’t run far. Ok, Australia was far. But that, honestly, was running to something. It is a place I always wanted to visit and curiosity, and cheap airfare, got me pointed in that direction. I tend to seek adventure by nature and maybe that is all just running away. But I doubt it, I’ve grown more reasonable and responsible by having someone in my life to care for. She’s still forefront in my thoughts. She is someone I could never run from and will always be my call, bringing me home time and again.
Maybe I was going to write about all the new friends I’ve made? I doubt it, because my fear of leaving someone out and hurting feelings is holding me back from that. It’s one hell of a list containing some new groups: writers (bloggers in disguise), bloggers (writers in disguise), travelers, climbers (this group had become so small from my lack of climbing in the past decade, that it feels like starting over). And additions to old groups. I don’t count my blessings by the quantity alone, but by the quality. This may sound odd, but I don’t always make friends so easily and it’s been one thing I’ve worked on this last year. Just meeting people and making friends for the sake of friendship, connectedness. I had no magical goal in mind for his and honestly didn’t think about it much until February of 2009. It’s best not to set goals with friends except maybe to value and cherish them.
Or maybe I was going to write about all the fun trips: Utah visiting old, grand friends, Mexico to brave a tropical storm with more friends, Oregon offroading (and the smashed window of the truck), The TBEX Roadtrip to Chicago, Pennsylvania for a day or two to say goodbye, Australia to say hello to strangers who became friends, San Francisco for some good IT work and music, British Columbia to experience an RV in small places (with a big interior), Cape Disappointment which is named all wrong when the sun is out and you’re yurting it, Ocean Shores for more comfort from friends than I thought possible and much needed healing to begin, Hawaii for pure adventure and fun (more posts from there in the new year!) and then home. I’m sure I left a trip or two out, the beginning of the year is blurry.
But that all sounds braggadocios, doesn’t it? It’s hard to express thanks for a wonderful life and not sound that way. Sure, not everything has gone how I would have liked it to this last year. A change in martial status (as a friend of mine so gently put it) which seemed inevitable at the beginning on of the year, eventually came true. But it’s never the end, I’ve found out. I actually already knew that and would readily tell friends when dealing with hardship, but having lived it for a while, I’m glad to know I wasn’t lying to them. Even with that big life change which some consider earth shattering, life continues and it is indeed what you make of it.
I doubt all but my parents are reading this far which means it’s time to cut it.
Thank you to all the old friends who have remained in my life and helped me out this last year.
Thank you to the new friends who I didn’t even know existed at this time last year.
Take good care of yourself
pwc
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