Both of my tentmates are awake in the middle of night, panicked, with a feeling they were not getting enough air. Now it is my turn. My mind is sounding alarms, imploring me to bolt from our cramped two-man tent and find scarce oxygen at 18,900′. Training, experience and a trust in my guide are tools I rely upon to help quell the flight reflex, falling back on what I know.
I know I am safe on our ice perch below the summit of Kyajo Ri, a little known peak in the Nepali Himalayas. I know if I control my breathing and sit up, the alarms will abate. And I know, somewhere behind the anxiety, I am doing what I love; climbing mountains in the most beautiful terrain in the world. Calm slowly returns, my breathing settles and I fall back into a disturbed but useful sleep many mountaineers know well.
When next I awake, daylight is filling the tent and my fellow climbers are gone. They left before dawn on a 1,200′ summit bid and I am left behind due to an equipment malfunction (Tip: don’t buy cheap gear for big climbs). While many climbers would bemoan their luck, I instead am complacent with my place in the world. This is the highest altitude I have ever obtained and I am eager to leave the tent to soak in the vistas. But first, I need to put on my boots.
Putting on boots at sea-level is easy, even in the cold. Putting on boots at high altitude, in the cold, is laborious and time consuming. My thoughts are slowed and I tell myself, “Just put on one boot.” With that accomplished, “Now lace it up.” This is what thought patterns are like when my body is low on oxygen; slow, deliberate, singular. There is no multitasking, no ‘monkey mind’ bouncing from topic to topic. It is refreshing, meditative even, and is a simplistic aspect of climbing I enjoy.
Five minutes later, boots are laced and I am out of the tent. The scene in front of me is incredible, something out of National Geographic. So many details in the mountains; Everest, Nuptse, Lhotse, Makalu, Ama Dablam. The roof of the world. Cracked glaciers in the valley below me, ice on the mountain above. Rock everywhere. A world few dare to glimpse. This world I love.
