The World’s Best Firewood Vendor

I’ve finally found it.  I didn’t know I was looking, but I finally found the world’s best firewood vendor.  By firewood, I mean camping firewood.  The type of places you see along the road to your favorite campsite, be it state, federal, private or other.  It’s usually a little shed with a sign out front.  The good entrepreneurs have a sign about 1000′ before the stand so those of us cruising 50MPH have time to slow down.

I usually prefer to get my firewood this way when I have no wood at home to bring with me.  From time to time I’ve succumbed to a hasty retreat to the local supermarket and their shrinkwrapped bundles from a far off state (usually Montana for some reason).  But when in need, I like to support someone who makes a few extra bucks off their own land and with their own labor (not saying the company in Montana doesn’t do the same, but I don’t need my firewood shipped 500 miles when we are the “Evergreen State”).

Let me tell you now about the most perfect firewood vendor, the one all others should ask for firewood lessons.

First, the sign.  He was a full dollar less, $3, than the others on the road to Mora Campground in Olympic National Park (you are not allowed to sell firewood in the park, so a lot of houses on the road have a stand out front).  That’s a good start, but sometimes it can mean an inferior product. This sign promised “dry” firewood, showing that he knew a discerning chap such as myself was not happy with any old wood cut down yesterday. 

The second sign on the shed stated, “Smile, you’re on camera”.  While I don’t know if the camera ever existed, I do know he had a plump black lab that came trotting out then attempted to jump in my truck after giving it a thorough sniffing.  Maybe that’s what he meant by camera, I’m not sure.

Second, the bundles.  He had ample quantity and they were average sized.  Not much to say here, other than about 8-10 decent wedges.

Third, the kindling offer: $1.  This made it perfect for me as I had a $10 bill.  Three bundle and the kindling and I’m even!  Points for not requiring small change and making the upsell of the kindling a snap.  Plus at first glance it came with newspaper.  This guy knows his stuff.

With wood loaded in the truck, I head back to camp and wait for dark.  At this point I was most happy with the dryness of the wood and not having to over pay.  Little did I know bonuses one and two were silently waiting for me in the form of:

Bonus #1, he ties his bundles with slipknots!!  Raise your hand if you’ve ever had to go hunting for a knife after futility attempting to untie bundled wood?  Or raise your hand if despised having to dispose of that plastic shrinkwrap!!  A slipknot, pure and simple genius I tell you.  One pull and the wood is free.  Let’s get the kindling ready.

Bonus #2, he included matches!! At this point I want to drive back and give the woodsman a huge hug!  Straight from the Sheraton Park Towers, I knew this guy not only knew his business and how to run it, he also stayed at some swank hotels in order to steal their matches for his firewood business.  Shrewdness mixed with class.  I want to party with this dude sometime.

But for now I’ll enjoy the heat from the campfire and send The World’s Best Firewood Vendor my thanks once more.  You, fine sir, are my new gold standard for firewood vendors the world over.