At first this may seem like an odd topic out of no where. Ok, it probably is.
Let me relate my experience that led up to a gentle reminder.
I have been remotely interested in a local monastery of Zen Buddhism for a couple of years. I keep telling myself I’m going to go to one of their Zazenkai classes on Sunday mornings. For us newbies, it’s kinda like an introduction so zazen, a type of meditation. And I feel meditation would be a good thing for me most of the time.
This last Saturday I had both the time and will to go and checked the Zendo’s website to see if the session is still on. To my dismay, the class this Sunday was canceled because of a week long intensive called a Osesshin, where the grounds were closed off to but those in the intensive. Bummer. But wait, what’s this? Reading the info a second time notes there will be a daily dharma talk, called a teisho, with the visiting teacher Shodo Harada Roshi with members of the community welcome to attend.
At this point I had mixed feelings. First, I wasn’t sure what the heck a teisho was, what went on, how to dress or act, and on and on. My mind came up with all kinds of reasons not to go. But something in me pushed me to attend. If nothing else, I had a feeling of trying something new, even if it scared me. And really, what was there to be scared about? A bunch of Zen teaching? It’s not like I was trying out for an Ultimate Fighter match. So why not? Heck, it’d be good to have my brain scared a bit.
I won’t go into the session much as it’s not really the focus of this post. To sum it up, it starts with some chanting then a lesson read by Shodo Harada Roshi in Japanese and then translated by an assistant. There are about 40 – 50 people there, most all of whom are there for the Osesshin dressed accordingly. I still didn’t have a clue what to do but they had greeters posted at the door who explained the simple protocol; bow when you enter and leave, feel free to sit on a mat or stand or sit on a bench or a chair. Ok, this didn’t seem to hard.
But somewhere along the way my body started having problems. Not bad, but something about sitting upright that long and not doing my normal slouch got my stomach working. So I tried standing for a while and that kinda helped. But the gurgle in my stomach didn’t cease. And then I got all kinds of sweaty just about to the point of pouring down my face. When there was a pause in the readings I excused myself to the side-room before stepping out. The lady who helped me get orientated when I came in the door came back out asking if I was leaving. I stated I was as at that point I could barely contain throwing up.
Once out in the air (the windows and doors were open inside and it wasn’t hot) and walking to the truck, things started calming down. Nothing came up, so you can keep reading if that part makes you queasy. I went to the beach for a bit and then on with my day. But what the heck was the puking feeling about? I didn’t even make it an hour and it wasn’t like I was sitting in a full lotus or anything. I was sitting on a comfy cushion on a bench. I was a bit baffled.
The next day I decided to give it another whirl. I had benefited from the first experience so why not? Upon entering the grounds I was met by the same lady who recognized me from the day before. After a couple niceties I explained how I had felt the day before. Her response instantly put a smile on my face, although I didn’t completely understand why at first. Her response was, “We feel that way all the time here.” She either lived at the monastery or was referring to those who were there for the week.
It wasn’t until part way through the teisho when Roshi was reading in Japanese that my mind wandered back to what the greeter had said. While settling on the words, I felt even more at ease. Not because I knew feeling what I did was normal, but because I didn’t feel like I was alone in how I felt. And that makes a world of difference sometimes. It’s something I knew and it was good to have that gentle reminder.
